“You look like a pantie sniffer”
- Alfie
Alright, Still
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Lily Allen - Alfie
Ask and you shall receive.
(Source: ride-and-die)
times like these.
I wish I could just die. I know I hate suicidal posts. But its true. Ive been feeling so terrible about myself for so long, like Im just stuck in this funk and cant get out. Situation after situation pile up. I cant take it.
I have no one to talk to. No one I fully feel comfortable spilling my guts entirely to.
Thats the worst feeling in the world.
I dont understand..
How can I feel so terrible about myself? It just doesnt make sense. I dont think Ive literally, and Ive been very depressed before. But for different reasons. I literally dont think Ive ever felt so terribly about MYSELF…..concerning my looks. I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I just really dont understand how people can say all these nice things about me and then think the complete opposite about myself.
and I know that a lot of people dont want to be friends with me because of the way I look. Im too embarrassing. Who wants to hangout with someone who doesnt fit in with their particular crowd or their ideal crowd? No one. I know I probably wouldnt.
I feel so disconnected with so many people. Like Im being looked over, or just….I dont know. I guess scratch that last thought. I just dont feel like Im good enough to hangout with the people I do. Im not fun enough, Im not happy enough. Im just never….enough. And I know thats why people dont like to be around me.
I just really do honestly feel terrible and Im so sad. Im such a sad person. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont want to talk to any of my friends, I dont want to talk to a teacher, I dont want to talk to my family. And why? Because Im ashamed of the way I feel. People dont expect someone like me to have these sorts of feelings. I always try to be so perfect, to act happy and confident and I am none of these things.
I just really do feel trapped inside my own mind.
feeling like shit about myself per the usual as of lately.
I feel fat.
I feel ugly.
I feel lazy.
I feel selfish.
I feel spoiled.
I feel lonely.
I feel unwanted.
I feel ungrateful.
Whats wrong with me? I just feel so terrible and I dont know what to do. I wish I were happy. So many changes going on within me. I feel like no one likes me, or they are getting annoyed. I feel like I am just a boring person. I dont have any friends, two. And I only hangout with those two. I wish I had more people to just hangout with, go to parties with, people who werent embarrassed to be seen with my fat, ugly, stupid ass. And yes, thats how I feel, whole heartidly. I feel like no one wants to do things with me because they are embarrassed of what others will think about me. Being seen with me would be social suicide. Oh god, I am so fat. I am so disgusting. I wish I could change almost everything about myself.
My old remedies of looking up to positive role models to make myself feel better doesnt work. I have such a distorted image of who I am supposed to be and I know its wrong. But I cant help but not want to be a certain way. And I am so tired of people telling me this and that. I know what I know, and I dont give a flying fuck how hard youre trying to make me believe Im something Im not. I hate shopping for clothes, but I have to because I feel like shit about everything I own. I feel like shit IN everything I own is basically the best term.
Im not trying to pity party because none of this is for anyone fucking reading it, its for me. Its just all been pent up and I dont want to talk to anyone about it. No one, because Im simply embarrassed for the way I feel.
